How the Croak Awoke

I originally entitled this Blog "Resonations of a Baritone Soul." Deep...I know. Only upon seeing this title posted on the screen, though, did I realize how incredibly self-important and pretentious it sounds. Of course, being incredibly self-important and pretentious, I knew some changes had to be made lest people should think poorly of me.

The first thing that needed to go was "Baritone." I was in love with the assonant sound of "Baritone Soul," but I was uneasy about the deep, rich implications of the word "Baritone." Sure, I want people to think I'm deep and rich, but I prefer to stick to more subtle methods of accomplishing this like using the word "assonant," carrying designer handbags, and eating money. My soul's great, but I don't want to brag about it...Baritone my soul is not.

But how, you ask, did I decide on "Croaking" as an acceptable substitute? Easy. The words that I forsee myself spitting into this Blog will not be the polished notes of a well trained baritone...quite the contrary in fact. My posts will be gooey, unplanned gobs of soul-phlegm that I croak out as I type...I plan to go through many a keyboard. Of course, when you consider "Croaking" as death, it will give my Blog a sense of desperation...like this is my soul's last ditch creative outreach before the square world of "The Man" swallows it...an elegaic swancroak if you will. When you think about it that way, it totally makes me seem totally Deep (much deeper than a baritone) and, of course, "Croaking Soul" preserves my beloved assonance just as well as "Baritone Soul."

Having ousted "Baritone," my next challenge was to find a replacement for "Resonations." Unless the acoustics are impeccable, most croaks don't resonate...and given the small and drafty nature of my bedroom I doubt mine will either. Resonation implies that others who read this blog, if such others exist, will agree with, understand, or be on the same wavelength as its content. If this does happen, I will be overjoyed that people are brave enough to approach my stinking soul-phlegm and touch it, or even let me spew it all over them. If not, who cares? This blog is not meant to be an online group-hug, but a rowdy protest of my own complacency, an outcry against inaction, and thus a "Vociferation" instead of a "Resonation." I hope my vociferations prove highly audible yet arousingly unintelligible.

And thus, the Croak Awoke